adrenalin rush of the woman's march

still reeling from the adrenalin rush of yesterday.. the feeling of solidarity versus the feeling of despair and confusion for the direction of this country the day before.....

a cabinet so appalling...unqualified or so contrary to the post they were appointed to lead... the white billionaires....oh excuse me one black...and sadly even he is unqualified for the position.. and the one woman who has never taught. gone to public school. sent her kids to public schools and cant remember that she gave 200 million dollars to the republican party....
.....and the charlatan of a president at the helm. i felt like we were going to be rudderless...

but NOOOO i remember we are our own rudders.... determining how we will iive our own lives.. day to day..... what change we can effect one another personally or globally........ 

WE the people are strong, able , intelligent, willing..diverse,compassionate.....
with tolerance, inclusion.. and so much more we can move mountains.. we have no other option if that’s what it will take and we are pushed to the core... called into action...... we are not going backwards ....and will never remain silent

this may have been penned a woman’s march.. but it was very much The Peoples March..it wasnts just about our bodies and rights. it was a call for a moral obligation to all of us... fundamental rights.... basic.

Good Sunday to all! my heart and mind remains open/ willing determined and defiant if need be.... hoping against hope the bark will be bigger than the bite...if not i can and will bite back

Gratitude in 2016

Thanksgiving....... gratitude....... Xmas.......celebrate.......New Years...... reflection....

As i look to the horizon....... i look back on the setting sun too...... not to just the last year.... but to all the years prior that led to the transformation of the woman i’ve become today..... to the world i have read about in stories and seen in movies before my arrival.. to the one i've lived as a child... an emerging adult and to the world we have inherited in the present..... 

there is so much to contemplate.... achievements..failures... strengths.... weaknesses ... sadness... joy...... fear.....hope.... grief......wonder.......Resolve...intention.....

what do we want for our future?? ourselves? others? our world? 

where ever you are at this moment in life... my wish is that all of you traverse this time and place with ease and courage.....to walk in your unique life.. with purpose and pride...

live openly as you can bc this world when we to take notice is incredibly abundant.. even and more so, in the treasure trove of small gems and moments..... people , places and experiences..... 

i hope 2016 and beyond is good to all of us . much love on this drizzly warm sunday morning.......

in the still of the night

in the still of the nite.. when silence wraps itself around you..and your mind begins to quiet from all the murmurings of the day ..you can begin to feel your heart beat...your breath..your solitary thoughts ... your lifes blood pulsate....mingled with memories. dreams.. all that you love and hold dear... the brain free falls.. lets go of all its constraints....finally succumbing to sleep and the free unconscious mind..

driving down the highway

driving down the highway.. tears running incessantly down my cheeks... why? Sure im going to Sloan Kettering Cancer Hospital for my first official check up after finishing IV treatment in May..... 

but i’m the lucky one. Chemo over.. check.. Radiation over... check... Herceptin IV for a year... over... check... now just on an oral medicine for several years........

but it’s the memory... the feeling of being imprisoned by the dates and sessions for so long. sucked into the vortex of the hospital that is so familiar, like the inside of your home.. the carpet.. the furniture.. the smell... and then being surrounded by so many breast cancer patients at different stages of treatment.. losing hair... bald.. wigs.. scarves..hats......and those like me sporting a new short hair style..... growing in..

we look at each other...checking each other out.... the way i did when i first entered with a full thick head of long hair... imaginging myself always at the stage just ahead of me.. but always noticing the “one" with hair growing back and thinking how lucky they were.. done with treatment.. have hair. and re-entering a life absent of cancer....and everything that goes with it..

But Guess what? That is NOW ME! i made it through.. i’ll always have one eye looking over my shoulder ,but i’m so grateful for the lessons learned from this experience.. a game changer for me.... understanding time is of the essence.. the Now.. the being present.. for self. for others... making that known.. my heart bigger than ever....

the tears were a cleansing... like the spring rains.. fertile ground for fresh new growth

standing still

standing still...........
one direction......... or not........i think many...... endless...

sometimes i feel frozen......like a deer in the headlights....lingering to what is known.....comfortable.....secure...... standing still...... and then peering out into the darkness......the vast unknown....... possibilities beyond my immediate vision and grasp.....but there nonetheless luring me to move forward....i am ready

at this stage of my life i’m often thinking about the path i’m taking.. which way to proceed... what i need to retain.. what i can let go of... embracing always my history, values, desires, and most of all the people and loves in my life.......

but i think coming off years of personal strife...it has a way of re-ordeing things of importance....and always leading me to find the light... joy, promise, excitement....... i just want more of that...living life as fully as i can...... there will always be struggle, and upset... things to contend with that challenge you to your very core..... but the best remedy.. antidote is to live ones life well.... with purpose and meaning...stay grounded , in the present (I’ve often been too bogged down with the past, the future..the past enriches; teaches lessons, gives clarity....... the future will unfold .. it’s the present that has to happen to lead to the future.....

this soliloguy of mine reminds me of a book that i kind of sneered at in my younger day...( Passages..Gail Sheehey.1974).. of course i was only 17 yo. but now i’m approaching .. i said : approaching.. 60..ONLY JUST 59

"The Trying 20s -- The safety of home left behind, we begin trying on life's uniforms and possible partners in search of the perfect fit. 

The Catch 30s -- illusions shaken, it's time to make, break, or deepen life commitments. 

The Forlorn 40s -- Dangerous years when the dreams of youth demand reassessment, men and women switch characteristics, sexual panic is common,

but the greatest opportunity for self-discovery awaits. The REFRESHED (or Resigned) 50s --BEST OF LIFE FOR THOSE WHO LET GO OF OLD ROLES AND FINE A RENEWAL OF PURPOSE

I’m not sneering now!

forward march!

staying present

first children to stay at my air b n b ........ ellie shows me all she has learned at dance camp.... the joys and magic of a life in every single moment..... adults are more global...... i think we have a lot to learn by looking back....... staying present

best place to cool down from summer heat

during the brutal heat of a few weeks.. the best place to get cool was the movie theatre.... too hot and humid for the streets to shoot ... not a total loss i turned it on the theater itself..

in love with the land

sunday morning..... day of rest.... peace and reflection for me... easy going........ nature recently has really been so restorative for me... country drives.. wide open lands... hills.. flowers... they all look more precious and sharp to me...... i am in love with the land again...