Belonging and Nomadic Life

I've been feeling unsetted for a long time.. i know where my home is.. where i keep all my belongings and beloved collections..I have a great air b n b where i love to host.....i meet so many great, dynamic people.. but they come and go ....... and since the pandemic ....so do i....

i've vascillated between NY and Sonoma County, California for the better part of two and a half years.. with one or two intermittent short trips..(maine and the southwest)...... and i'm always happy to come home...... want to.....my bed.. my space ..that reaks Nina......... but then at the same time i just feel disconnected, ...... like i don't really belong anywhere.. and yet while that is not entirely true, it is how i feel.. do any of you ever feel that way?

i keep saying i'm nomadic, when people comment on my comings and goings..... it’s really mostly NY/CA( to be with my son....but also, i'm just restless.. like im searching to find that time or place where i say..finally, i am where i'm supposed to be and i feel good...

i do think in part it is because i'm single. i deal with life on my own accord.........make all the decisions... no one to balance the responsibilities with me...........11 years ago i separated from my husband after a long 27 year marriage together.. i've accomplished many things.... .found my inner strength and know i am more capable than i ever gave myself credit for... . but now as i'm getting older...... i feel slightly adrift..... where do i belong?. what or who am i looking for?.. what do i want?.........what dreams or desires do i want to make happen?

i love my friends.. my family.. i feel deeply committed to all of them. would drop anything if needed............but i feel like a lone star....

today it made me think a lot about the word nomad and what it means to be nomadic... and the time i spent in Morocco.. especially the Moroccan Sahara where i spent many days visiting nomadic communities... and taking photos...... i mostly spent my time with the women...

this place among others- some new, some old.. i have a deep connection with, an other worldly feeling.. bonding... and i feel the desire to finish or continue what i began some years ago....... but it's all about memories.. desires...

not sure about the rest of you , especially those in my age group...... i'm older than i feel... 64 are you kidding me????.ill be ready for medicare next year??? what????? . i know i'm still in my 40s right??? of course i am... i'm young and tenacious. a lot of good energy and love to go around.. but i realize our bodies will not always keep up with our minds..... and i feel like i'm at a time where i’m reckoning with what was.... what is.... and what will be......

photography has been one of the biggest gifts in my life.. the language i speak without having to think in advance about what i'm trying to say... it’s inherently a part of me.. and provided me with so much of my spirit.. and it is here where i know i will fine some more of me and whatever this dis//// ease i'm feeling.....

maybe in these spaces of the unknowing are the biggest spurts of growth and understanding........

Here are two nomadic jewels....i spent the afternoon with......

After the Protest

the day was long. i had been walking for hours in the Mexican countryside capturing images and engaging with people. i even had a dead battery and had to wait on a desolate road until an elderly indigenous couple in a rickety old truck stopped to help me

arriving back to where i was staying at nightfall , i saw a gathering of people swelling by the hour into the 100's. it was an indigenous protest lasting until the wee hours of the morning and continuing to the next day.

of course i ran and got my fast lens for the darkness and stayed up talking w everyone, proudly utilizing my growing spanish to understand and give support.

eventually i had to get going. it was very late and i got a call to make my way home , that my dad was sick , in the hospital and might not pull through. i made it home the next day, he did not pull through and i was at home with him and the rest of my siblings for his passing

but... meanwhile as i went to my hotel room to sleep for an early departure i noticed all the men and women were not leaving, but would remain in protest in this square and went to bed on the sidewalks and patches of green.

the whole experience had my heart pumping... their fight for social justice and them standing firm, and bedding in place, which led to this image

between the experience of this protest and the last few nights of my fathers life i will never forget taking this image.

so it is an honor and i'm pleasantly surprised to see my photo here for the opening Creative Portrait exhibition at LACP, with Juror Aline Smithson

https://lacphoto.org/.../opening-reception-for-lacps.../...

Nina’s air b n b

... hellllllo up there.. drone......

yep it's me... from my sweet cottage that i air b n b on my property..

people ask what i do.. i always say photographer, chambermaid and ambassador.... i love two out of three, and when i can, I get someone else to take over my chambermaid duties... (even though i'm quite the cleaner)

this place has been an added surprise to my life.. first built as a place to hold tools , mowers etc..... but my son asked for a small space inside to play his guitar.... this is what was built and designed by my x, with no plans.. he just started building...and 3 months later...

ultimately, it never had a mower or tools in there ,.. but my son playing his guitar, hanging out with friends.. a social gathering place of sorts... ping pong.. etc..

it was later moved to where it is now, on the other end of my property... and when it was vacant and unusued for two or more years one of my very dear friends pushed me to have an air b n b. this was when air b n b was just taking off... i heard about it ,but had never stayed at one

i asked her why would i do that? i live here alone...she told me i love people... people love me.. i love to talk to strangers... and i'm a natural host.. besides my yard is lovely and quiet..... and i'll make some income

after prodding and prodding me.. i ran around the property taking photos. put up the site and a month later pushed the button to publish the offering..... i felt like a fraud , i had no idea what the heck i was doing.

i never thought anyone would come here... and yet after the moment i hit the button my phone texts were alarming me every moment with requests....

8th year in and i’ve had hundreds of guests, many repeats and friends made, sharing of books, movies, travel, recipes, wine , meals...philosphies.. talks into the nite with fireflies, ping pong contests.... and yes they have tons of time alone, go off on their own adventures, and me often out or away as well... ...it's a good mix... and culturally wonderful as well since so many are from overseas..

i called it the love shack for a bit as a joke(me the madame), bc i've had so many couples.. getting away.. falling in love... engaged.. with babies. back as older couples, seeking alone time... i also joked there was more sex going on in there than i have had for a long time............. i also have tons of artists, photographers, film makers, writers, people in every part of the workforce.. but what i have in common with most of my guests.. like 95 % of them.. is shared humanistc beliefs about the world. ..connection, diversity, tolerance. open minded.. issues like climate, politics, race issues..... i’m so lucky to attract people here with great values...down to earth, heart.. generosity..spirit

... my friend was right. it has been perfect for me... and it's been a silver lining.

i actually rent my main house as well some times.. for several weeks or a month, and shut the cottage when i go away if i have a several week or monthly renter..

i also have an ongoing project based on this place.. still figuring out how to manifest it.. started with polaroids of people,what i learned about them in a few days, all their writings to me in many books, drawings, ephemera, stories, funny moments, articles....

lucky me for this wonderful surpise in my life. thankyou Cara Romano, and all my wonderful guests that keep on giving...

not sure how long i'll be here and keep doing this.. but i feel no matter where i would ever go i'd love to keep doing this... it brings the wider world, people you would never meet or talk to, closer together

The History In One’s Feet

i’m often told i take a lot of images of hands and feet......it’s true i have since the very beginning when i had no idea what i was doing..it was instinctual....

later on i have learned that i'm a photographer of gestures, nuances, subtle and not so subtle expressions...

parts of the body can inform or tell a story about a person, sometimes just as much as an image with a face

i sat with this very old man in the town of Almolonga , Guatemala, trying to piece together a conversation with my newly acquired spanish at the time.. he worked long hours for most of his life, and often barefoot...up in the hills outside of town.. you can see by his hardened dry feet, and his toes that have seemingly taken years of beating and the cane now held just off to the side that this man has walked a million miles... so much history in those feet.. Where have they been? the story lies in the darkened areas of dry patches and aging,. i remember this man like yesterday.

After The Fires

what i've been doing all of covid.. editing a lot of work...

it's been an intense weekend, going through and editing a huge portfolio of three "after the fires".. years 2015, 2017 and 2020 in sonoma county...

when my son moved to northern cali 11 years ago.. it was to be for a couple of years.. i knew then as i do now that he is embedded there.... and even if he were to move again.. it most likely will not be back to NY

what i didn't know, nor did he, is that evacuations and living under the threat of fire would be something he would contend with.. in fact the first 7 years there were no fires.. and no one thought about them, because they were not an issue or prevalent for that area in the past

roll forward to climate change.. yes there is climate change... hot temps, low rainfall and now it is very serious..every fall..

I remember the first fires... the phone call at 3 am.( i actually hung up on my son for not realizing the time difference, only to have him call again and again and say he is evacuating..( first fire) i remember sitting on my porch for two weeks listening to the radio and awaiting texts.. i even went out in the middle of the nite for a banana and cigarettes.. and i don't smoke.. and sat there chain smoking in fear

that year and all the ones that followed i always found myself there within 2 weeks after each fire.. ... friends of his losing homes... he evacuated, but coming back to the land.. behind the lines..... so much devastation the likes i had never seen before... up close and personal...... the heartbreak mostly of lost precious items of family connection and memories.. the displacement of lives, community.....

here in NY, the Northeast we may get a few storms. but nothing the likes of this..and not repetitively..... i wanted to bear witness and began documenting back in 2015

it's a robust portfolio that leaves you heavy in a swirl of devastating emotions just like being engulfed with the fire all over again...but there is beauty... and in the end there is also recovery.. a flower in the midst of charred ground.. and this time, (i just spent the last 5 weeks there) the green grasses and flowering trees emerging within devastation.....

i have much to choreograph, but it is with love and huge respect for all those that battle this again and again and all those that work tirelessly to save lives and property

Generations

i shot these two images within a short period of time of one another on the same day......

first it was the striking red jackets and then the general facial expressions and body language that drew me in......

but what really got to me later...was that it was if i was looking at the same face of that child and then her as the older woman.... seeing into the future and who and what she might have become and look like at that older age

it made me think of a mulitdude of images i remember and have retained of myself , family and others .. and how we are changing over time....... when you are younger.. you just see those that are older.. as you age.. you see those younger.. reflect.. and now see yourself on that scale

my number may be older.. but im going to live up to my moms title for me.. Perennial teenager!!!

Taking Stock In One’s Life

as we have gone through this hellacious year.. and approaching the next one.. i often find myself taking stock of my life.... i'm not old, but i'm not young either...and i have been tested hard a few times...there are no guarantees, but to live ones life to the fullest and to sweeten it up where you can.

where do i want to be spending most of my time? how do i want to use it?

one thing i know is that i dont want to spend time trying to elevate myself.... but elevating others..even a little goes a long way.. i love engaging in communities... I love my air b and b and the incredible guests, from all over the world.. I love my friends and family.... and i love exploring new places... and ritualistically returning to my favorites.. latin american , west indies, south west.. maine..Northern Cali.. etc...... and of course don't think i'd not include photography , that IS my heart, My Soul.. Photography sets me on fire when i get it right...my center...

i am editing 10 years of time spent shooting in Jamaica.. the place where i first fell in love with image making.. ..i owe a lot to to this place on so many levels... I remember most of the people i photographed.... spent time with them, even a small conversation or anecdote.. my short term memory is horrendous. but my long term memories from here are sharp and clear.. i have lots of stories

this girl standing at the fence in front of her home flailing her arms and screaming Nina...."come back".. i had just spent time with her, and her family. they wanted me to come in and see their home. the mom Corrine.. a single mother of three... shared a most intimate burden.. she was pregnant and could not raise another child... did i know of anyone that wanted to adopt... her house was leaking from the rain.. i could see the dirt beneath her floor boards... i helped as best i could with what was so glaringly apparent and took her number to send things from the states, especially for the kids.. all the things we take for granted here.. pencils notebooks, an education..... i tried to find her 5 years ago when i went back... but didn’t succeed...

so now as i wonder about my future.. i wonder now where she and her children are..are they in a better place... i feel a strong desire to find them.. but most importantly to go back to the island that fostered so much spirit, curiosity, generosity, and humanity in me.. i had it before, but it expanded ten fold in me..... my heart is large...... i feel lucky to have loved this island and so many people and to have them love me back

To Love And Love More

Thinking about love.. what and whom we love…. it's valentine's day ,a hallmark holiday that bombards you...that in and of itself means zip… but what lies beneath is one of the most powerful life forces that guides and inspire us…and fills us up in ways we can hardly comprehend.

I certainly know I could not live without it.. it makes me feel high..... whether people, places or ideas…. love of family- my parents, My child. My friends(and they are my family too!), My animals,all animals.... intimacy/love with a partner-one of the best..………. That’s just in the immediate circle……

then the love of so many other things that make you feel alive…. A big moon that lights the night sky.. the sound of the surf as you sleep with the windows wide open.. bare feet…lightening bugs on a summer nite.... hot baths filled with bubbles.. showering outside naked… picking rocks along the waters edge looking for just that one… clean sheets…. Newly shaved legs… hot cocoa with whipped cream…. A puppy's unexpected lick right across your face …. landing somewhere hot after running away from winter's frigid air...….fighting/standing up for what is right… reaching out to someone with something seemingly so small, but meaning so much..a good conversation.... the birth of a great idea, laughing so hard you wish you had on depends........ photography again and again.. seeing something that sets my heart on fire.. yes my heart.. pounding..i can feel it in my chest....

all I know is one thing.. TO Love and Love More!